In 1773, during the lead-up to our insurgent smack down of the British army, colonists joined together to destroy a literal boatload of tea by throwing it into the Boston harbor. This protest was sparked by the Tea Tax, imposed by the monarchy, a tax which the colonists felt was unfair considering they had no representation in British government. Not only was the Boston Tea Party a great way to show the monarchy that the colonists wouldnâ??t accept unfair taxes, it showed their dedication to the cause even if it meant sacrificing things that they hold dear. I know it sounds a little absurd, but think about how important tea is to British culture today. It was no less so back then, and most colonists observed the same British cultural exercises that citizens in the Old Country did.

Obviously, King George the Fat didnâ??t really see the protest as a â??partyâ? so much as he saw it as a bunch of damned peasants telling the King that they didnâ??t respect his laws, and that for all they cared, he could jump in the harbor and get the tea if it was so important to him, so there! Britain retaliated, then the colonists retaliated, then Britain retaliated, then the colonists formed their own government and, starving, outmatched, and out numbered, overthrew one of the most powerful governments in the world and installed a new government in which politicians at all levels (even the highest) were directly responsible to the people.

What a great story, huh? And with a kick-ass ending to boot. Now, if you followed my summary carefully, then when you turn on the evening news and see a bunch of insane frothing-at-the-mouth, populist raging constituents screaming about a â??revolution,â? Obamaâ??s ineligibility to be President because of some dark and sinister libtard conspiracy, and taking America back via â??Tea Party,â? one must consider whether or not a â??Tea Partyâ? at a time like this is really an appropriate use of one of the many symbolic anti-establishment gestures. On the list of symbolic anti-establishment gestures the most effective, or perhaps the term affective would be a bit better, gesture is burning a countryâ??s flag.

Now, you can go full bore and pull a one-two combo by burning both a nation’s flag and en effigy of that nations leader at the same time, and you’ll no doubt raise some eyebrows, but people will have a tendency to write you off completely. By burning only the flag you succeed in pissing people right the hell off, but avoid looking like a senseless lunatic dancing around a burning dummy that vaguely resembles George W. Bush. Because of its importance in American history, having a Tea Party would (in theory) be a great way to respond to unfair taxation. Is the government planning on raising taxes exponentially while simultaneously eroding your ability to respond via elected official representative in the Federal Legislature? Have a “Tea Party!” Are they raising taxes on Gasoline by 400%? Blow up every tanker truck you can get your hands on! Taxes on corn skyrocketing? Burn the entire state of Illinois to the ground! Just don’t forget to dress up as an oppressed minority in order to disguise your shenanigans!

So what if your Federal Government wants to cut taxes for 80-90% of Americans and raise taxes on the top 10-20% of income earners (I rounded up a little with those figures because I think taxes will have to go up for more than 5% of Americans)? Well, I know what you definitely shouldn’t do, because the gesture makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. You definitely shouldn’t have a Tea Party. I don’t think that I can emphasize enough, save perhaps writing it in seven or eight of the most frequently spoken languages not dissimilar to warnings on the backs of aerosol propellants, that this gesture makes you look like a complete fool who has no concern for historical accuracy and has no problem dragging your children into it by putting them in “clever” t-shirts and sticking them in from of a camera in a video about, something. I really can’t tell what the video is about or what you are advocating on behalf of, because it’s just vague and angry, like pretty much everything you say (again, watch the video in this link).