Polls

Thirteen more minutes until November 4th! And am still ahead in polls!

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Monday, November 3rd

11:47PM

Dear Diary,

Last day of stumping. Cannot believe election actually tomorrow.  Will win.  Told Grandma I would and I will.  Will win it for her.

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List of My Important Endorsements and Voting Bloc Most Likely to be Influenced by Them

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Thursday, October 23rd
10:18PM

Dear Diary,

Came to realization today that if voters still undecided at this point in election cycle, there is good chance that they are completely unconscious. Will likely be difficult to sway voters if they cannot see handsome face, hear sweet words, or feel inspired by message of hope and change. Have decided instead to utilize innate human characteristic: The Herd Mentality. New campaign slogan: Everyone’s Doing It!

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Top Five Things That Are Wrong with Me, According to Michelle

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Friday, October 17th
10:27AM

Dear Diary,

After breakfast this morning, Michelle handed me list of faults. Said she’d written it at Jon Stewart's suggestion, but wanted to wait until after last debate so as “not to crush your fragile ego.” Ha. As if she doesn’t know that messiah’s ego cannot be crushed.

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New speech with message of change will render crowd speechless

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Monday, October 13th

1:22AM

Dear Diary,

Up late writing next inspirational speech. Reminded by speech writers that must be avoid being too inspirational and inadvertently inspiring mob violence. Have heard Secret Service not too happy about mob violence these days. Read more

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