Top Five Things That Are Wrong with Me, According to Michelle

By mous on 10/17/08 12:29pm
1 Comment

Friday, October 17th
10:27AM

Dear Diary,

After breakfast this morning, Michelle handed me list of faults. Said she’d written it at Jon Stewart's suggestion, but wanted to wait until after last debate so as “not to crush your fragile ego.” Ha. As if she doesn’t know that messiah’s ego cannot be crushed.

Top Five Things That Are Wrong with My Husband
By Michelle Obama
(Commentary by Barack)

1. Barack uses the words “hope” and “change” too much in his campaign. (Completely untrue! Studies show that word choice is everything and that audiences respond best to repeated statements. John even complimented me on my eloquence at last debate.)

2. Barack can be too nice. (Suspect Michelle still upset over hand-shaking incident. Not my fault that Cindy is lovely, hospitable lady who was anxious to shake hand of messiah.)

3. Barack has yet to bring up how Michelle would make a better vice president than Sarah. (Have already explained that choosing family members will lead to allegations of nepotism and am trying to stay away from any words ending in “-ism.”)

4. Barack’s hair is beginning to gray. (Michelle should be grateful for this as no longer look like overgrown schoolboy and instead like aging and prematurely grey schoolboy.)

5. Barack could do more to show that he’s a family man. (Not my fault that neither Malia nor Sasha managed to get media attention! Will attempt to arrange teenage pregnancy, alcoholism, and/or special needs like autism before election day.)

At least didn’t bring up Malia’s dress at the Convention. Apparently dress has something called “spaghetti straps” that are “not appropriate for young children.” Still don’t understand how pasta is related to clothing, but have been expressly forbidden from taking girls shopping without proper supervision.Also, just rewatched speech at memorial dinner last night. Am hilarious. Even better than being ahead in polls.

Hopefully yours,
Barack

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Barack Obama

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